Why not?

       Some days i know the answer to this question and some other days i do not. I have a very logical explanation for why not, which i keep repeating to myself over and over again, but even this sometimes does not make sense. Why not? Because i don't need the headache, because i don't want to be hurt, because i am selfish, because i am independent, because i am self sufficient, because i don't have time, because of my busy schedule, because no one understand me, because i am a difficult woman to please..... and many more reasons why not.
        The truth of the matter is that i am comfortable with myself and who i am, most importantly, i know what i do not want. I don't want lies, laziness, procrastination, devotion, hopelessness, indifference, isolation, carelessness,insensibility, darkness, fairness, secrets... i don't want it!!!!
         There is peace and tranquility in my life which i never experienced before. I am selfish because i only have to worry about myself ( and my two monkeys who depend on me). Waking up has never been so delightful as when i have to get up to make chocolate milk before 7am. Why not? simply because it is so much better this way.
         There is a theory that says that one most ask five times why in order to find the root cause of something. Why not? Why not? Why not? Why not? Why not?.... well, that did not work in this case because the answer continues to be the same...just because i don't want to!!!!
        Will i regret it later when i am old, wrinkle, unable to do many of the things i can do now? who knows? I will never do anything just  to please others. I can only please myself and make myself happy, no one can make me happy but me. For now and until whenever just because i don't want to!!!! As simple as that....

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES PART2

''ONE OF MY FAVORITE CARTOONS EVERY SATURDAY MORNING"  

       Imagination and invention was what i was good for when i was  eleven years old. One of my favorite things to do was to play with sand and  mug. I remember that i developed a rash on my  knees so bad that i spend many days going to the dermatologist. I just loved to play with sand and dirt. I used to swim and rub on it. My mom probably got tired of yelling at me so i would get out of the dirt, because she just gave up on me. My favorite time to go splash on the mug was whenever it rained. I pretended that the dirt was a giant pool. When it was raining i used to go to any hill and slided myself down the hill as if i was going down a real slide on a playground. That was amazing!!!!
       Another thing i enjoy doing when i was little was climbing trees. It was as if by climbing those trees i was escaping from the world below. My mom could never find me. I remember  that she would bring me food so that i could eat. I also liked climbing trees because i liked to pick fresh fruits. I used to pick Mangos, my favorite fruit, also Cherries, Almonds, Guanabanas, Passion Fruits and Tamarindo. Every time i picked Almond fruits i used to prepare a dessert which i just loved . I would eat the Almond fruit first and then  smash it with a stone in order to take the Almond seed out. This was a long but easy process for me, but when i was finished all of my clothes and hands were stained from the Almond fruit. My mom would beat me up for this, but i didn't care because the Almond dessert was yummy.
       Sand, dirt, rain, and trees are not the most appealing things to many of us who live in big city like New York, nevertheless, when one lived in a beautiful Island like where i was born, one learn to appreciate and respect nature. More importantly, one understands that materials things like cars, computers, phones,ect  sometimes keep us from enjoying life in a unique way. Have you ever climbed on top of you roof house to watch the sun raised? Have you ever cross a river or a mountain while riding a horse? Have you ever picked the most beautiful fruit and then sit on a rock by the river and just eat it? That is the life!!!!!


      The Blind SideThe Blind SideAvatar (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) [Blu-ray]

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES PART1

Avatar (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) [Blu-ray]

One of my best childhood memories are those of the ''barrio'' nights. On those nights all kids from my block and i would play all kind of imaginable games. One of my favorite games was hide and seek because i was a good climber and my friends could never find me.
    I remember that most of the time there was no power in the neighborhood. This was a good thing for my friends and i because it made our games more interesting. One particular thing about my generation is that boys and girls played separate. This is funny because  it was as if we were enemies,but sometimes we played war games against each other. I loved to play war games because that was the only time we played with the boys. There was always an empty or abandoned house in the neighborhood which gave us more excuse to make any game fun an exciting. We dare each other to touch or enter the house. This was so much fun. There no balls,toys,bicycles, dolls, or video games,just  a lot of imagination and invention. We were a generation that was not hooked to the television, but on the contrary we left that for the adults, because to us there was so much outside in our backyards to explore and discover. I remember that we made balls and dolls out of cloth and guns out of wood. We also made houses out of trees, boxes or leaves.The best play time ever was whenever it was raining.The rain was the best excuse for us to go outside and play. Today i don't understand how our parents let us played in the rain without worrying about some danger.On the other hand, we also collected rain our for our families to drink as well.   All we needed was a plastic bag over our heads and shoe less we run and played all around the "barrio". We are nine years old  only once in a life time. I really enjoyed mine!!!

PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!!

        Monday morning my sister wake up to the news that one of her clients was slaughtered by her boyfriend. She was a hard working woman and a mother of a young boy and din't deserved to die that way. I am not surprised when something like this happens. I believe that i have become immune to this type of abuse because of so many reasons. However, i feel that it is my responsibility as a woman to say something about it. At the same time, i know close friends of mine who have had abusive partners. I want all women to know that there is no reason why any men should   abuse you either emotionally, physically or verbally. There are so many reason to why men are abusive that i would need two days straight to write about it. I don't want to talk about the reasons why abuse happens, but why it should not happen in any relationship. FIRST, it should not happen because women are FREE to do whatever they want. Realize that many women in the past suffered discrimination and abuse in order for the women of the future to be able to enjoy the freedom and equality women of the present enjoy.Second, women are ABLE to do whatever they want or TO BE whatever they wan; doctors, scientists, politicians, ect.The sky is the limit. Lets think about all those women in countries like Afghanistan, Iraq or India where women are stone to death, beaten by their husbands and oppressed by society. Third, and this is important, women should love themselves before they love any men. Women tend to fall in love too fast, faster than men do. Women should learn to be happy with themselves and love the person that is inside of them first. MEN PLEASE DON'T HURT ANY WOMEN.
            " I am fearfully and wonderfully made"
                                                  (Psalm 139:14)
I am beautiful-smart-independent-caring-sensitive-intelligent-clever-creative-sexy-honest-sincere-reliable-competent-artistic-sensual-innovative-sensational-secure-mature-open minded- brilliant- capable-unique-a mother- a sister- a friend- a wife- a girlfriend- a partner- a boss. THIS IS WHO I AM. THIS IS YOU, WOMAN!!!

      

A MAN'S HEART

A man's heart is an ocean. As i continue my research about man i came to this conclusion today. I continue to analyze man's behavior and actions through the continue search for unanswered questions about men. As i  read a book and an online source about men i have learned that they have a heart. I know, hard to believe.Nevertheless, what i found  more interesting is the fact that men like when a woman appeal to his heart. I studied psychology and this is all news to me. Well, in a way it makes sense. Little boys' behavior is impacted by the quality of nurture they received while growing up. I knew this, but on the other hand men are not as open with their feelings and emotions like us women. Men are viciously and more naturally violent than women. Statistically men are more likely to commit crimes than women, AND YES THERE ARE MANY FACTORS TO THIS. So far i discovered that men like to feel understood, love, protected, comfortable, relax, around that special woman. Men don't like woman who are pushy, demanding, bossy, insecure, dependable, and many other ugly stuffs. I learned that men want a woman who will enjoy a relationship other than trying to fix it.Men do not want the confusions and frustrations that comes with a relationship,specially if they are coming out of one. All of this makes a lot of sense to me and as i continue my research i become more receptive to why men behave the way they do. In addition, women are not easy to deal with either.
Something interesting that i also found is that in every piece of material i read about men behavior, it seems as if us women are responsible for the way men behave and act. I totally, disagree with this. Every thing one reads any article on this topic, we find  that women are to blame for the  "justifiable" way men behave toward us. I JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND !!!  We give birth to men, raised them and then we are still responsible for their behavior. This seems unfair to me.
I know that men have hearts, just like us. Sometimes, they do not use it but they sure know how to mis use it.

THE BIG PICTURE.

It is important for me to be a role model. I take a lot of pride when someone looks up to me. It puts some pressure on me, but i do not mind. It is very rewarding to see that someone admires the way one lives and how ones is able to make lemonade out of lemon, as i describe my life sometimes.

I watched a movie the other day which was not very good, "Love Happens", but it had some very good advices about life. We work hard everyday, take care of our kids, take care of family members, and enjoy a healthy relationship. Nevertheless, it is not until something tragic happens in our life when we finally stop and smell the roses. I am so glad i decided not to wait for that to happen to me. I am enjoying life now as it happens. Take for instance the city of New York. There are more than 8 billion of us who live here. It is very interesting to walk in the city and see how many people rush to wherever they are going, without stopping and admiring the most beautiful city in the world. There are taxi cabs everywhere, naughty people, mad people, traffic jams, noises, pollution, and beauty, but there are those who can not see beyond all of that. If one would to go to the top of any building in New York City one could see the beauty of it all, and see everything one is missing. My point is that we have to see beyond what is in front of us. Everything that happens to us is for a purpose and sometimes we do not see it, but believe me, if we learn to look at things from above instead of what is in front of us, we will see the big picture and a new perspective.

I am not perfect and everyday i try hard to be a better person, but i want to live my life with no regrets. I want to enjoy each day. I want to be there for my friends and family. I want to be able to help anyone who needs me. I want to be the best mother for my children. I want to see the big picture each time.

WHAT MAKE MEN FALL FOR US

What makes a man love a woman? it is personality? it is charisma? it is beauty? it is intelligence? I have tried to answered that question for the last past three years. Many men like a woman who is intelligent and beautiful , but at the same time they do not want to feel intimidated by those qualities. The truth is, that no man wants to walk around with a woman who they can not establish a conversation. Today, I was reading a magazine where men were surveyed. According to the survey, men like a woman who feel comfortable with herself, secure of who she is and who has some sense of humor. All of that is great, but my question is what makes a man love a woman. A good friend told me once that we women control if a men falls in love with us or not. He was right about that. On the other hand, women control over men is limited to certain extend. Men do not like to be dominated, but they like to feel some sense of authority over the relationship and consequently over the woman. It is the natural way of life for men to be authoritative and dominant.

I am here trying to remember why some men had fallen in love with me. I question why they loved me or if they really loved me since i do not have their love anymore. I also question what makes man fall in love because sadly, i have a hard time believing that men are capable of loving, feeling, hurting, suffering, for a woman. It is because there are so many of us and they just know that they can pick and choose? How is it that men can not be happy with one woman? How is it that they do not know how to express their feelings?It is because men are in need of immediate gratification rather than feelings and emotions? So what should i think if a man tells me he loves me? it is me? my body?my qualities? my honesty? what made him fall in love? Did he fall in love? Does he knows what love is? I just do not want to find out.......

Where my heart is.

This morning i went to an old neighborhood place to buy some bagels for my manager's meeting. While i was waiting for my order an old man walked in. I could guess that he was close to his eighties or so. It called my attention that the owner of the place new what he wanted and before i knew it the owner started to get his order. As the owner of the bagel place started to cut a huge bagel covered with sesame seeds i began to wonder. I could not helped to think of how much that old man liked that huge bagel. I walked out with my order and sat on my car. I watched the old man walk out with his huge bagel and a cup of coffee.

I too go out of my way to find comforting food. It is very interesting how much pride i feel when i find a good Hispanic restaurant. I have been in the United States for more than twenty years now, and even though i consider myself an AMERICAN I could never give up on all of the

Latin food that reminds me of my childhood. Today, I though of myself at that age going to a Hispanic restaurant and finding my favorite thing to eat. I want to believe that this is one of the best thing about this country,diversity and assimilation. I certainly hope, that there still will be many restaurants where i and many of us could go twenty years from now and find all of the comforting food that we enjoy so much. It is very important for me to be able to enjoy the taste of my Country. It does not matter where i go, or where i live it is nice to know that like the old man today in the bagel place i could have a place where i could find my piece of land.

Birthdays!!!!

I don't like birthdays! Many of you might think what is wrong with her?. Well, there are many reasons for it. I think about how excited i always was about my birthdays when i was eight or nine. At the same time, there was a lot of frustrations and disappointments. Many times my parents could only afford to buy me a new dress, socks, maybe shoes and panties. There where no parties or celebrations. I possess one picture of me with a cake. The cake was fake. My mom took me to a photo studio and took my picture with the fake cake and a new dress. I had celebrated two birthdays in my life, my 15Th and my 21Th birthday. I will celebrate my 40Th.

I don't feel the need to celebrate birthdays for my children like other parents do. However,

i think it is a great thing if the child enjoy it and knows what is going on. I don't want to deprive my children of such an important event in their life but, i think it is important that they understand and embrace their childhood. I like the idea of bringing a cake to my children school and being able to share that special day in my children's life with their classmates. The benefit to this no stress about it.

There were many dresses and different colors. I remember one very particular with dots. I loved the socks with long strings on the side with a little hanging ball to pull it from. I loved my new panties with a lots of ruffles that formed a big flower. I loved my hair which my mom combed in a very particular way to made me look like i was never going to grow up. I loved that

for that day maybe they could afford to take me to the city and visit my favorite ice cream store.

I also loved that for that one day my mother would forget to whip me for any little thing i did. This was the best part. I use to love birthdays i just don't know what it is about growing up that

makes us indifferent to such small little joys.

,

TRAPPED

I love movies!!! who doesn't? well, some people watch movies, but to watch and really

enjoy movies is divine. I want to talk about the film '' REVOLUTIONARY ROAD." I want

to tied this movie to my previous blog where i spoke of HAPPIER DAYS.( because i found myself) This film explores the topic of marriage. There is a young American couple with kids who live a normal life in the suburbs. The wife convinced her husband that they should move to Paris. She knows that he hates his job and that he always wanted to go to Paris. Well, everything start to fall apart after that.

I understand very well how trapped she felt. The truth is that she didn't care if her

husband was not satisfied with his job, she wanted to move abroad because she needed to start a new life. She felt as if the young wife and mother that she had become replaced the woman inside of her. She was pretending to live a normal life, but inside she was screaming for help. I perfectly understand this. Many psychologists would say that she was depressed or bipolar. It is my personal experience that some of us go through many faces while we are dealing with children and a marriage. It can be tiring, boring, time consuming, energy consuming, lonely,depressing, challenging, among many other things. At the same time, we can feel the pressure from family members , who look up to us and make us feel powerless. There is no one to come to our rescue. We love our husband and children, but at the same time we want to fly away, take a long trip, a walk on the beach without worrying about tomorrow, or just enjoy being a woman. The worse part is that your partner, the one you married, and with whom you shared so many dreams, little by little drifts away while becoming indifferent to you and your needs. As a consequence, each one of you start to go in different directions.

I like the part when she had sex with his friend. During this scene she was completely

detached from the act and she didn't care about sex. To the wife it was about knowing that she could be attractive to another man. On the other hand, the husband cheated because it made him feel empowered. At the end of the film we could assume that the wife wanted to have an abortion because she wanted to go to Paris. I believe she had the abortion because she needed to feel that she could still gain control of her life. No one knows what was going through her mind. There is only whys but no answers. So i

learned to live each day HAPPIER, take CONTROL of my life, DEPEND only on myself and

ENJOY BEING A WOMAN.

Do you love your husband? yes i do...

Do you love your children? i adore them...

So, what wrong? I don't know.... i am tired.. i want to scape... i feel trapped

Do you have any fiends? yes, some..they are also married.. they wouldn't understand

How is your sex life? i don't know...good i guess..

Are you happy? no.. I AM NOT....

MEET PARADISE!!!!

It was name Quisquella, and it is simply the most beautiful island.

1. Its colonial architectural simply breath taking!!!

Its beaches are as transparent as clear water.

Its palms trees welcome everyone with a sweet melody from the sky.

Here , El malecon,

my favorite childhood place.

Happier Each Day

Many of us understand the basics of how to be

happy or how to obtain it. It will probably take the average person five times to ask him/herself the whys of happiness before determining how happy they really are. The truth is that, people tend to measure happiness according to what they have or what they think they need in order to be happy. Maybe if we go back to our childhood we could determined that we were much happier then. Nevertheless, as we grow older we wanted to become adults so desperately in order to become independent, and then for sure happiness would come in many different forms. We wanted to finish school , get a great job, get married to the perfect wife or husband, have kids and travel. All of that sounds wonderful, but somewhere alone the road the focus was lost and happiness became distant and unable to be reach.

I often compare my life with those of celebrities or very successful people and can not help wishing to be one of then for a least a day. I think about what i would do with all of their money, cars, access, and luxuries. Then, i look i what i have and think twice about it. Happiness comes in many different shapes and forms. Sometimes we just do not recognize it face. It took me many years to discovered how to be happy. I apology that i won't share it with all of you, but it is because happiness is something that each one have to find on their own. It is not tangible or measurable. It is not money or love. On the other hand, i want to tell you that i live each day happier than the last.

'' Good morning mama''' says Leanna Sophia

" How are you feeling mama'' says Jaden

'' How was you day mom'' says Jaden

'' I love you" says Leanna and Jaden

'' Take care bebe'' says a good friend

'' Have a great day'' say many other great people in my life.

'' God bless you'' say my mom or dad each day.

LOVE???

" LIKE A MOP TO THE BLAME BURNED BY THE FIRE, MY LOVE IS BLIND, CAN'T YOU SEE MY DESIRE?" (JANETTE JACKSON)

As i was driving to work this

morning, i heard this song on the

radio. It brought back so many

memories that i could not help to ask

myself this question,what is love? Is it desire? that

is what it seems to be among older

mature generations. I remembered when i felt in love the first time

it felt like a big stomach sensation and

the need to be with that special person.

well, now it is a whole different

feeling. It is desire. It is caring. It is

passion. Many of us had felt it at some

point in our lives. It gets to another

point in ones life where ones is contended

with the idea of love. Some how one get to the point where love resumes in a smile, a hug, a phone

call or a present.

When i was little love compiled in all the caring that my family instilled in me. Today,

i question love, but never its fire. " like a mop in the blame burn by the fire....that is the way

love goes..."

(janette jackson)

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Portrait of a child

Life seemed to peaceful when one was little. I remember that all my worries compiled into what the tree kings were going to bring me for Christmas. Sometimes, i used to worry about my math teacher calling on me. God, i feared him so much. It is gratifying to look at the past and being able to know that one enjoyed one's childhood. I really did enjoyed it. My best memories are of that time when three of my cousins came to live with my family. At the same time my brother, who past away, came to live with us, Carol , Setty , Pavel and my brothers Victor and Miguel. We all went to the same school. We protected and support each other so much. I remember that my brothers were always so protective of me, maybe that is why i don't like men all over me . My brothers took me to school, pick me up, and took me to the library in the afternoons.

My cousins and i did everything together. I remember getting up early to go to the bakery to buy the fresh baked bread. Miss that smell. We rode bikes, run around on the streets, played all kind of imaginable games, fought, played tricks on each other, but we knew how to have fun.

There is one thing that i love about that time in my life, and it was all those nights that my mom used to tell us stories . She is by far the best story teller i know. And, to any child that is priceless.

Men

I want to talk about women and how complicated we appealed to men. We expect men to guess what we want

or how we want it. every time we are in any relationship we want men to magically surprise us with any kind of behavior that would indicated that he is capable to think on his

own. well, i am here to tell you that men need lots and lots of encouragement. The truth is that they just don't think like we do.

Women are thoughtful beings. women remember every date, every birthday, anniversary , movie night, ect; on the other

hand, men seems to have a short term memory when it comes to female relationships. My friend A, who is married with

two beautiful children, still come home with flowers for his wife after more that 15 years of marriage. He goes out

of his way to make his beautiful wife feel special. But, i know the truth to this. My friend A only brings flower

because he had cheated on his wife so many times that he lost count. He definitely feels guilty. Many times he and i

talk about marriage in general. He said that if he leaves his wife he won't buy flower for any women ever again. My

point is that men are unpredictable. There is no science to it. Men, like women are unique beings with different desires and

and needs. It is the way we try to fulfill those desires that makes us unique, consequently, different.

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WELCOME!!!

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!! I AM VERY EXCITED. THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE BECAUSE I ALWAYS ENJOYED WRITING. WELL, I AM NOT GOING TO GET ANYONE BORED WITH MY STORIES, BUT INSTEAD I WANT TO CREATE A SPACE WHERE I CAN SHARE SO MANY OF MY INNER THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS. AT THE SAME TIME, I WANT TO CREATE A SPACE FOR ALL KIND OF PEOPLE WHO WANT TO ENGAGE IN ALL TYPE OF DISCUSSION.

I TITLED THIS PAGE KARMA CIRCLE BECAUSE THIS BLOG WILL BE MY PERSONAL INSIGHT NOT ONLY ON LIFE BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, ON SELF-DISCOVERY.

FINALLY, TO ALL MEN OUT THERE GET READY BECAUSE HERE I COME. JEN