Birthdays!!!!

I don't like birthdays! Many of you might think what is wrong with her?. Well, there are many reasons for it. I think about how excited i always was about my birthdays when i was eight or nine. At the same time, there was a lot of frustrations and disappointments. Many times my parents could only afford to buy me a new dress, socks, maybe shoes and panties. There where no parties or celebrations. I possess one picture of me with a cake. The cake was fake. My mom took me to a photo studio and took my picture with the fake cake and a new dress. I had celebrated two birthdays in my life, my 15Th and my 21Th birthday. I will celebrate my 40Th.

I don't feel the need to celebrate birthdays for my children like other parents do. However,

i think it is a great thing if the child enjoy it and knows what is going on. I don't want to deprive my children of such an important event in their life but, i think it is important that they understand and embrace their childhood. I like the idea of bringing a cake to my children school and being able to share that special day in my children's life with their classmates. The benefit to this no stress about it.

There were many dresses and different colors. I remember one very particular with dots. I loved the socks with long strings on the side with a little hanging ball to pull it from. I loved my new panties with a lots of ruffles that formed a big flower. I loved my hair which my mom combed in a very particular way to made me look like i was never going to grow up. I loved that

for that day maybe they could afford to take me to the city and visit my favorite ice cream store.

I also loved that for that one day my mother would forget to whip me for any little thing i did. This was the best part. I use to love birthdays i just don't know what it is about growing up that

makes us indifferent to such small little joys.

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TRAPPED

I love movies!!! who doesn't? well, some people watch movies, but to watch and really

enjoy movies is divine. I want to talk about the film '' REVOLUTIONARY ROAD." I want

to tied this movie to my previous blog where i spoke of HAPPIER DAYS.( because i found myself) This film explores the topic of marriage. There is a young American couple with kids who live a normal life in the suburbs. The wife convinced her husband that they should move to Paris. She knows that he hates his job and that he always wanted to go to Paris. Well, everything start to fall apart after that.

I understand very well how trapped she felt. The truth is that she didn't care if her

husband was not satisfied with his job, she wanted to move abroad because she needed to start a new life. She felt as if the young wife and mother that she had become replaced the woman inside of her. She was pretending to live a normal life, but inside she was screaming for help. I perfectly understand this. Many psychologists would say that she was depressed or bipolar. It is my personal experience that some of us go through many faces while we are dealing with children and a marriage. It can be tiring, boring, time consuming, energy consuming, lonely,depressing, challenging, among many other things. At the same time, we can feel the pressure from family members , who look up to us and make us feel powerless. There is no one to come to our rescue. We love our husband and children, but at the same time we want to fly away, take a long trip, a walk on the beach without worrying about tomorrow, or just enjoy being a woman. The worse part is that your partner, the one you married, and with whom you shared so many dreams, little by little drifts away while becoming indifferent to you and your needs. As a consequence, each one of you start to go in different directions.

I like the part when she had sex with his friend. During this scene she was completely

detached from the act and she didn't care about sex. To the wife it was about knowing that she could be attractive to another man. On the other hand, the husband cheated because it made him feel empowered. At the end of the film we could assume that the wife wanted to have an abortion because she wanted to go to Paris. I believe she had the abortion because she needed to feel that she could still gain control of her life. No one knows what was going through her mind. There is only whys but no answers. So i

learned to live each day HAPPIER, take CONTROL of my life, DEPEND only on myself and

ENJOY BEING A WOMAN.

Do you love your husband? yes i do...

Do you love your children? i adore them...

So, what wrong? I don't know.... i am tired.. i want to scape... i feel trapped

Do you have any fiends? yes, some..they are also married.. they wouldn't understand

How is your sex life? i don't know...good i guess..

Are you happy? no.. I AM NOT....

MEET PARADISE!!!!

It was name Quisquella, and it is simply the most beautiful island.

1. Its colonial architectural simply breath taking!!!

Its beaches are as transparent as clear water.

Its palms trees welcome everyone with a sweet melody from the sky.

Here , El malecon,

my favorite childhood place.

Happier Each Day

Many of us understand the basics of how to be

happy or how to obtain it. It will probably take the average person five times to ask him/herself the whys of happiness before determining how happy they really are. The truth is that, people tend to measure happiness according to what they have or what they think they need in order to be happy. Maybe if we go back to our childhood we could determined that we were much happier then. Nevertheless, as we grow older we wanted to become adults so desperately in order to become independent, and then for sure happiness would come in many different forms. We wanted to finish school , get a great job, get married to the perfect wife or husband, have kids and travel. All of that sounds wonderful, but somewhere alone the road the focus was lost and happiness became distant and unable to be reach.

I often compare my life with those of celebrities or very successful people and can not help wishing to be one of then for a least a day. I think about what i would do with all of their money, cars, access, and luxuries. Then, i look i what i have and think twice about it. Happiness comes in many different shapes and forms. Sometimes we just do not recognize it face. It took me many years to discovered how to be happy. I apology that i won't share it with all of you, but it is because happiness is something that each one have to find on their own. It is not tangible or measurable. It is not money or love. On the other hand, i want to tell you that i live each day happier than the last.

'' Good morning mama''' says Leanna Sophia

" How are you feeling mama'' says Jaden

'' How was you day mom'' says Jaden

'' I love you" says Leanna and Jaden

'' Take care bebe'' says a good friend

'' Have a great day'' say many other great people in my life.

'' God bless you'' say my mom or dad each day.

LOVE???

" LIKE A MOP TO THE BLAME BURNED BY THE FIRE, MY LOVE IS BLIND, CAN'T YOU SEE MY DESIRE?" (JANETTE JACKSON)

As i was driving to work this

morning, i heard this song on the

radio. It brought back so many

memories that i could not help to ask

myself this question,what is love? Is it desire? that

is what it seems to be among older

mature generations. I remembered when i felt in love the first time

it felt like a big stomach sensation and

the need to be with that special person.

well, now it is a whole different

feeling. It is desire. It is caring. It is

passion. Many of us had felt it at some

point in our lives. It gets to another

point in ones life where ones is contended

with the idea of love. Some how one get to the point where love resumes in a smile, a hug, a phone

call or a present.

When i was little love compiled in all the caring that my family instilled in me. Today,

i question love, but never its fire. " like a mop in the blame burn by the fire....that is the way

love goes..."

(janette jackson)

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Portrait of a child

Life seemed to peaceful when one was little. I remember that all my worries compiled into what the tree kings were going to bring me for Christmas. Sometimes, i used to worry about my math teacher calling on me. God, i feared him so much. It is gratifying to look at the past and being able to know that one enjoyed one's childhood. I really did enjoyed it. My best memories are of that time when three of my cousins came to live with my family. At the same time my brother, who past away, came to live with us, Carol , Setty , Pavel and my brothers Victor and Miguel. We all went to the same school. We protected and support each other so much. I remember that my brothers were always so protective of me, maybe that is why i don't like men all over me . My brothers took me to school, pick me up, and took me to the library in the afternoons.

My cousins and i did everything together. I remember getting up early to go to the bakery to buy the fresh baked bread. Miss that smell. We rode bikes, run around on the streets, played all kind of imaginable games, fought, played tricks on each other, but we knew how to have fun.

There is one thing that i love about that time in my life, and it was all those nights that my mom used to tell us stories . She is by far the best story teller i know. And, to any child that is priceless.

Men

I want to talk about women and how complicated we appealed to men. We expect men to guess what we want

or how we want it. every time we are in any relationship we want men to magically surprise us with any kind of behavior that would indicated that he is capable to think on his

own. well, i am here to tell you that men need lots and lots of encouragement. The truth is that they just don't think like we do.

Women are thoughtful beings. women remember every date, every birthday, anniversary , movie night, ect; on the other

hand, men seems to have a short term memory when it comes to female relationships. My friend A, who is married with

two beautiful children, still come home with flowers for his wife after more that 15 years of marriage. He goes out

of his way to make his beautiful wife feel special. But, i know the truth to this. My friend A only brings flower

because he had cheated on his wife so many times that he lost count. He definitely feels guilty. Many times he and i

talk about marriage in general. He said that if he leaves his wife he won't buy flower for any women ever again. My

point is that men are unpredictable. There is no science to it. Men, like women are unique beings with different desires and

and needs. It is the way we try to fulfill those desires that makes us unique, consequently, different.

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