THE BIG PICTURE.

It is important for me to be a role model. I take a lot of pride when someone looks up to me. It puts some pressure on me, but i do not mind. It is very rewarding to see that someone admires the way one lives and how ones is able to make lemonade out of lemon, as i describe my life sometimes.

I watched a movie the other day which was not very good, "Love Happens", but it had some very good advices about life. We work hard everyday, take care of our kids, take care of family members, and enjoy a healthy relationship. Nevertheless, it is not until something tragic happens in our life when we finally stop and smell the roses. I am so glad i decided not to wait for that to happen to me. I am enjoying life now as it happens. Take for instance the city of New York. There are more than 8 billion of us who live here. It is very interesting to walk in the city and see how many people rush to wherever they are going, without stopping and admiring the most beautiful city in the world. There are taxi cabs everywhere, naughty people, mad people, traffic jams, noises, pollution, and beauty, but there are those who can not see beyond all of that. If one would to go to the top of any building in New York City one could see the beauty of it all, and see everything one is missing. My point is that we have to see beyond what is in front of us. Everything that happens to us is for a purpose and sometimes we do not see it, but believe me, if we learn to look at things from above instead of what is in front of us, we will see the big picture and a new perspective.

I am not perfect and everyday i try hard to be a better person, but i want to live my life with no regrets. I want to enjoy each day. I want to be there for my friends and family. I want to be able to help anyone who needs me. I want to be the best mother for my children. I want to see the big picture each time.

WHAT MAKE MEN FALL FOR US

What makes a man love a woman? it is personality? it is charisma? it is beauty? it is intelligence? I have tried to answered that question for the last past three years. Many men like a woman who is intelligent and beautiful , but at the same time they do not want to feel intimidated by those qualities. The truth is, that no man wants to walk around with a woman who they can not establish a conversation. Today, I was reading a magazine where men were surveyed. According to the survey, men like a woman who feel comfortable with herself, secure of who she is and who has some sense of humor. All of that is great, but my question is what makes a man love a woman. A good friend told me once that we women control if a men falls in love with us or not. He was right about that. On the other hand, women control over men is limited to certain extend. Men do not like to be dominated, but they like to feel some sense of authority over the relationship and consequently over the woman. It is the natural way of life for men to be authoritative and dominant.

I am here trying to remember why some men had fallen in love with me. I question why they loved me or if they really loved me since i do not have their love anymore. I also question what makes man fall in love because sadly, i have a hard time believing that men are capable of loving, feeling, hurting, suffering, for a woman. It is because there are so many of us and they just know that they can pick and choose? How is it that men can not be happy with one woman? How is it that they do not know how to express their feelings?It is because men are in need of immediate gratification rather than feelings and emotions? So what should i think if a man tells me he loves me? it is me? my body?my qualities? my honesty? what made him fall in love? Did he fall in love? Does he knows what love is? I just do not want to find out.......

Where my heart is.

This morning i went to an old neighborhood place to buy some bagels for my manager's meeting. While i was waiting for my order an old man walked in. I could guess that he was close to his eighties or so. It called my attention that the owner of the place new what he wanted and before i knew it the owner started to get his order. As the owner of the bagel place started to cut a huge bagel covered with sesame seeds i began to wonder. I could not helped to think of how much that old man liked that huge bagel. I walked out with my order and sat on my car. I watched the old man walk out with his huge bagel and a cup of coffee.

I too go out of my way to find comforting food. It is very interesting how much pride i feel when i find a good Hispanic restaurant. I have been in the United States for more than twenty years now, and even though i consider myself an AMERICAN I could never give up on all of the

Latin food that reminds me of my childhood. Today, I though of myself at that age going to a Hispanic restaurant and finding my favorite thing to eat. I want to believe that this is one of the best thing about this country,diversity and assimilation. I certainly hope, that there still will be many restaurants where i and many of us could go twenty years from now and find all of the comforting food that we enjoy so much. It is very important for me to be able to enjoy the taste of my Country. It does not matter where i go, or where i live it is nice to know that like the old man today in the bagel place i could have a place where i could find my piece of land.

Birthdays!!!!

I don't like birthdays! Many of you might think what is wrong with her?. Well, there are many reasons for it. I think about how excited i always was about my birthdays when i was eight or nine. At the same time, there was a lot of frustrations and disappointments. Many times my parents could only afford to buy me a new dress, socks, maybe shoes and panties. There where no parties or celebrations. I possess one picture of me with a cake. The cake was fake. My mom took me to a photo studio and took my picture with the fake cake and a new dress. I had celebrated two birthdays in my life, my 15Th and my 21Th birthday. I will celebrate my 40Th.

I don't feel the need to celebrate birthdays for my children like other parents do. However,

i think it is a great thing if the child enjoy it and knows what is going on. I don't want to deprive my children of such an important event in their life but, i think it is important that they understand and embrace their childhood. I like the idea of bringing a cake to my children school and being able to share that special day in my children's life with their classmates. The benefit to this no stress about it.

There were many dresses and different colors. I remember one very particular with dots. I loved the socks with long strings on the side with a little hanging ball to pull it from. I loved my new panties with a lots of ruffles that formed a big flower. I loved my hair which my mom combed in a very particular way to made me look like i was never going to grow up. I loved that

for that day maybe they could afford to take me to the city and visit my favorite ice cream store.

I also loved that for that one day my mother would forget to whip me for any little thing i did. This was the best part. I use to love birthdays i just don't know what it is about growing up that

makes us indifferent to such small little joys.

,

TRAPPED

I love movies!!! who doesn't? well, some people watch movies, but to watch and really

enjoy movies is divine. I want to talk about the film '' REVOLUTIONARY ROAD." I want

to tied this movie to my previous blog where i spoke of HAPPIER DAYS.( because i found myself) This film explores the topic of marriage. There is a young American couple with kids who live a normal life in the suburbs. The wife convinced her husband that they should move to Paris. She knows that he hates his job and that he always wanted to go to Paris. Well, everything start to fall apart after that.

I understand very well how trapped she felt. The truth is that she didn't care if her

husband was not satisfied with his job, she wanted to move abroad because she needed to start a new life. She felt as if the young wife and mother that she had become replaced the woman inside of her. She was pretending to live a normal life, but inside she was screaming for help. I perfectly understand this. Many psychologists would say that she was depressed or bipolar. It is my personal experience that some of us go through many faces while we are dealing with children and a marriage. It can be tiring, boring, time consuming, energy consuming, lonely,depressing, challenging, among many other things. At the same time, we can feel the pressure from family members , who look up to us and make us feel powerless. There is no one to come to our rescue. We love our husband and children, but at the same time we want to fly away, take a long trip, a walk on the beach without worrying about tomorrow, or just enjoy being a woman. The worse part is that your partner, the one you married, and with whom you shared so many dreams, little by little drifts away while becoming indifferent to you and your needs. As a consequence, each one of you start to go in different directions.

I like the part when she had sex with his friend. During this scene she was completely

detached from the act and she didn't care about sex. To the wife it was about knowing that she could be attractive to another man. On the other hand, the husband cheated because it made him feel empowered. At the end of the film we could assume that the wife wanted to have an abortion because she wanted to go to Paris. I believe she had the abortion because she needed to feel that she could still gain control of her life. No one knows what was going through her mind. There is only whys but no answers. So i

learned to live each day HAPPIER, take CONTROL of my life, DEPEND only on myself and

ENJOY BEING A WOMAN.

Do you love your husband? yes i do...

Do you love your children? i adore them...

So, what wrong? I don't know.... i am tired.. i want to scape... i feel trapped

Do you have any fiends? yes, some..they are also married.. they wouldn't understand

How is your sex life? i don't know...good i guess..

Are you happy? no.. I AM NOT....

MEET PARADISE!!!!

It was name Quisquella, and it is simply the most beautiful island.

1. Its colonial architectural simply breath taking!!!

Its beaches are as transparent as clear water.

Its palms trees welcome everyone with a sweet melody from the sky.

Here , El malecon,

my favorite childhood place.

Happier Each Day

Many of us understand the basics of how to be

happy or how to obtain it. It will probably take the average person five times to ask him/herself the whys of happiness before determining how happy they really are. The truth is that, people tend to measure happiness according to what they have or what they think they need in order to be happy. Maybe if we go back to our childhood we could determined that we were much happier then. Nevertheless, as we grow older we wanted to become adults so desperately in order to become independent, and then for sure happiness would come in many different forms. We wanted to finish school , get a great job, get married to the perfect wife or husband, have kids and travel. All of that sounds wonderful, but somewhere alone the road the focus was lost and happiness became distant and unable to be reach.

I often compare my life with those of celebrities or very successful people and can not help wishing to be one of then for a least a day. I think about what i would do with all of their money, cars, access, and luxuries. Then, i look i what i have and think twice about it. Happiness comes in many different shapes and forms. Sometimes we just do not recognize it face. It took me many years to discovered how to be happy. I apology that i won't share it with all of you, but it is because happiness is something that each one have to find on their own. It is not tangible or measurable. It is not money or love. On the other hand, i want to tell you that i live each day happier than the last.

'' Good morning mama''' says Leanna Sophia

" How are you feeling mama'' says Jaden

'' How was you day mom'' says Jaden

'' I love you" says Leanna and Jaden

'' Take care bebe'' says a good friend

'' Have a great day'' say many other great people in my life.

'' God bless you'' say my mom or dad each day.